Had a good day yesterday, lots of painting. Finished one, started another, added layers to several more. All good positive stuff with no pauses for agonising and soul searching.
It therefore seems deeply unfair that today I awoke, for no particular reason, full of gloom and apprehension about money.
I know that is a ubiquitous state at the moment, but as I said there is no specific reason for me to be more than averagely concerned at present. Not the best sentence structure there, is it? What I mean is that pretty much everyone would like a bit more in the bank ( or for what is there to be worth more I guess), and while many people have genuine fears of losing their homes or not being able to feed themselves many others just want to feel a bit better off, more able to spend money on lunch out rather than packing sandwiches, or to replace the kettle or something, without the need to calculate to the penny what this purchase will leave them for the week.
Well, I am not in imminent danger of starving, or of being thrown out on the street. Barring disaster of course ( makes sign to avert evil eye! ). So I should be in that latter group I suppose. And much of the time I am. But every so often I get over-anxious about all the possible what-ifs which could diminish or destroy my earning potential, things over which I have no control of course so am wasting my time and energy fretting over. Not that knowing that has ever stopped anyone of course.
When in this particular worry-cycle I berate myself for buying so much as a new pencil or tube of paint, although I also buy things I have been putting off buying because right now the money is there and it may not be if these what-if scenarios come to pass. Is it perhaps one of the downsides of a creative mind to be constantly sifting through possible futures? Or am I just trying to make myself feel better about being neurotic? Could be either.....
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